topsy turvy

it has been a frustrating night i had with the kid. It was like I am all there to help you study. I see that you have difficulty, I don't scold for getting low grades.I am here to help you adjust and to be able to make it with the subject.I search for resources to help you but nothing is appreciated.It was like I am there forcing, and torturing a kid to understand. I just want the kidto appreciate the joy of learning, patience and being able just to adapt and understanda lesson without pressure.Yet I was being shouted at, forced to quit because it is not the first time that I felt insulted with the yelling and it made me look small.
Now, I am faced with the question again. Since this is a difficulty I can face on theway of teaching. Am i equipped to be and go with the path of teaching? Am I going to be a good educator or not. with just this instance of a bratty kid, I can't even handleit. The thing is I am not being respected and it just pisses me off.question is here again. Is it the sign that i am dreaming too far of something i am not good at or even can achieve? Should I or should I not?
it is like I am back to square one. the basic thing on the question on whether to pursue or not. i got no advantages or disadvantages to compare with . It just hurts me a lot.
It makes me feel now that I dont have anything I am reaching for. Not a social person.makes me feel i am a bad person with bad decision left with nothing. Just floating on the air. Waiting to be killed by a predator and swallowed wholly without noticing it. And next thing is im eaten.
As I sat at this sunday morning, pondering. Seems like I am not making any improvement at all.
It is like I cannot go on with the teaching thing. it just hurts me as a person, i won'tlet that. It leaves nothing to me.listening to music, hope it leaves me some clues on which path to choose...think think think.. look for the signs you are asking.

now is a time where everything is really mixed up and just so clueless.