it's Christmas

its an unusual day for me.. not sad, not overly excited but indifferent. I think I am stating myself to be cool and indifferent at all occassions.. coz any extreme feeling makes me go sideways. This year its different.. i spent my afternoon at the mall. I never went to the mall on the eve. I was wondering why its so quiet at 7pm .. then i realized its the christmas eve.. ehhehe sorry i forgot that..

I am happy for the year that passed.. I am just simply thankful and putting my faith all up there.

This thought of not having someone with you on Christmas always equate to a not so happy or incomplete christmas... is it correct or not... my sister is quite bothered and saddened by the thought of spinsterhood. SHe is a darling but i think the right one is not on her way yet. I was preparing myself not to be on that feeling.. its awful i think.. I am just convincing myself that no matter what happens i will accept it.. either way i have plans. I dont even have an idea if someone is out there for me.. maybe my life was written with no love interest in it...

For me.. just having felt that I have loved someone unconditionally is enough.. though it was not reciprocated never mind. my point is.. i've given my love i did not expect anything.. true enough nothing came back. ehehhe.. I hope its never equated a boyfriendless christmas to a sad one.

Yes, i think its true.. having something to look forward to and reach for makes life interesting all the time..

Merry Christmas all... wish you all the best

and the list goes on...

collin farell, benjamin bratt, mark wahlberg, LBH, JDG, RSW, CR, heath ledger, rory cochrane, ethan zohn... hayyyyyyyyyy cuties..

hanggul

i came to realize I am not really strange with Hanggul.. actually i love the culture. so I got interested with the language.. its romantic way but not too cheesy.. but you can really feel it. I am also into bisaya.. cebuano to be exact.. coz i frequent the place but cant speak a word. I am geared to learning mandarin to better equip me.. i know it will be a powerful language. and an advantage.

I really admire the working attitude of Chinese... they really are admirable. Incomparable, industrious, and challenge takers. Of course we have a few not so good traits we know. but I realy admire how they rose up from a bad reputation and just by being self sufficient and it works. Hard works have paid off... I salute them.. ! let's be good and set an example for the world.

you can't say...

is the song playing on my mind, playing no my cd player... it just makes me wanna smile, feel inspired, be kid like, giving and just lucky. An all about eve OST.. JDG and Chae Rim really hit it off on screen... they are very convincing. Makes you believe in the power of pure love and unconditional friendship. though it suggests a sad emotion for the song.. i really feel the intensity though.

I am very expresssive today, I must say I am hyper// My O.C., tensed , expressive personality is all out today. I am very pissed off this morning for a stupid forgetfulness.. maybe i lack sleep !

I am just thankful for my sister n brod in law's constant understanding and guidance, lessons, and chance to learn a whole lot of things. Yet they appreciate. I sometimes want to be bland so I wont slack off and abuse their understanding. But I think the other way around.. to make it more productive, i will work doubly focused to help and prevent making sassy mistakes.. but work responisibly and impart knowledge.

for the kids' who constantly give joy and smile to me.. as they show their true selves, make hilarious jokes on innocent kid remarks and kid antics. their constant sweetness and cheerful smiles. :) they're contagious.

I thank the One above there.. for showing me what life is and what it should be.. on how we should look at it. just thankful and treating every day as unique and at its best always.

where is my pivot

time and distance.

the thought of leaving the country is haunting me again...

last Sept 2004 I was all set to go for my China trip with all the wardrobes and activities i planned to have on that whole semester.. but it has become shady and made me backed out of it.

I woke up at a very wrong side.. I woke up late, watched tv, in a hurry yet i am late at work. Worse yet i arrived at 9 am... I was the one to open. Then camera is with me, and it just sucks... i want to throw things to make me feel alright but I can't do anything.. its the time and distance dictating the barrier and limitations.

Yet i was able to manage to get busy the whole day. I did not imagine there could that bunch and pile of works to be done. And to think i left a whole lot of work for the next day. Errands not included. I don't want to sound very arrogant, but I have work to do and the errands are to be prioritized , I just can't. They were not demanding but I demand myself to be able to do all of them. Plus some kids cluttering the area, fighting for stickers, tv and wahhhh.. good thing they were obedient, they were not brats and "bruhaS" . whew thankfully.

But through out the day.. there is one question hanging on my mind that creates a debate with my sentient and emotion. going out of the country for own growth , sake, independence, and self familiarity. What made me unconvinced were the emotions, ties in your home. Yes we must admit that in the Phils.. wages are not good, business is bad, politics is crazy, security is poor, mostly are below poverty level, system is corrupt... what else is there to hold the crops of the nation. It's just the basic unit of where your heart belongs to. Technically speaking, we are skilled personalities, but no future that the country offers. Tendency is to jump to the band wagon to go for the middle class choices.. a good paying job on a secure place. And in a land where personal and career growth is really big. So what made them decide to say "GO" . I am in a very different situation. I am asking this question myself for the whole duration.

But is it not worth it to just try.. you can come back anytime... but time is of essence.. i want to have a wise decision on which things to spend my time with.

Now I am haunted by my need to be the knowledgeable for the Mandarin Language. I need to learn it.. I need to use it.. I cannot just take risk and accept project and just barf out in the middle of a hard project. I NEED to learn, read and speak the language for business purpose.

please wish me the best that I make wise decision on the things coming my way.

i wish a good week for everyone.

fpj

these are the 2 things mainly bugging me on my mind.

FPJ an icon in the Phils , a defeated presidentiable, temperament yet charismatic. He is loved by many, irked by certain people, its like this in the Phils.. every one got their opinion.

He has touched alot of lives in the masses. may he rest in peace.

where art thou love romeo

this is one of the days that I am longing for a partner. I have so much love in my heart. I want to give someone dear a kiss and a long hugggg... I am just thankful in life.

sharing is such a wonderful experience. Its indescribably happy when you give and still felt selfless.

my kiddo's names: I like to have little boys but a blessing would be enough... just have them polite, kind, pure hearted , healthy, normal , smiley, thankful and has a lot of Faith.
as you can see i am biased. .. I have a valid reason. all my life we were all girls only a few boys that is why I missed out the chance to have a little brother..

Boy - Aidan, Duncan, Lorenzo, Haley, Nathan
Girl - Heather, Carlin

But as early as now, I am ready to face anything like spinster. I would busy myself with advocacy works, emphasis on education, geriatric care, simplicity. If my life was drawn without my romeo.. I let it up to the One up there, I have my faith and it's all up to destiny. Let it be. There is a reason for everything. Just am thankful for the blessings, lessons and awakenings shown upon me and the chance for me to make each day better as yesterday.

p.s. to my right one.. you will just be as special and treasured as I imagined.

good evening..

shivers...

my hands are feet are feeling COLD >>> brrrr.. but i'm sweating.. is it a good or bad sign.

I've had proposals from the near side of the world.. but i think i scared the hell out of her with the high price. but we want to work with them , it's a good op for us to work positively both ways. Get our resources work, give quality work .

Is it my SIGN? Is it the one I am asking for?

Well all about eve is very inspiring for cynic like me.. that there are still guys out there who are very pure in heart, strong yet complements you on some of his weaknesses. Isn't it strange? come to think of it, they guys i've known on the lives of the people close to me are indeed great towards the ladies. Yes they have imperfections, temper, but they have the LOVE in it. I wish that they continue to love each other , and grow together into something meaningful till the day they are old and still so much in love. With everlasting respect, honor, unconditinoal love and Understanding. Come what may. .. they stick together.

it has always been in my prayers.. honestly i havent had any choices. I know which is good which is not, but i am praying for the RIGHT one for me.. but i don't ask for them.. If it is willed in my fate, then I accept it fully. As it is. There are plenty of good things life has to offer. I just wish for a Better tomorrow.

just someone i can talk to, understand, care for.. :) Peace everyone

sistahs

its yet another crunch time for us. It's definetely testing our patience. I pray for them that they be enlightened. For us, we do not start a fight. It is because we fight for the right and we are pro support. Yes, one can be in solitude but for only a time. To have endurance, support system is very very helpful. We are not bitter or angry. but we find a wrong in it.

We have every right to claim something because we are rightful part of the group. It seemed that efforts made in the past was simply erased, forgotten, yet gone useless.


I just pray for enlightenment for the oppressors. I know they have their own grievances, miscalculations, wants, desire that have grown out of proportion. They've been drowned by ambition and greed. I hope they realize and set the priorities.. it is not the money.. its the relationships, family, sharing and survival. the key is the survival which is the hardest part to achieve.

For us, we are not saying we did not commit any mistakes. But we are continualy realizing what our mistakes were and are. We make or find ways to correct them and we are not running away from responsibilities. If we made a mistake we are here to face the consequences. But one thing, we are there for each other.. Be up or down.. we support and care aiming for the best of each other. We may not be the high holy showy religious types. But we give importance to our word, our heritage, discipline, our conviction to the One above. We aim to do good deeds, share, and be patient and understanding in all things. We aim for peaceful and amicable relationships that will last for the lifetime and be passed down to the future ones.

We pray that we be enlightened and be wise to make such sensitive decisions. Our intentions are always for the best of all .. not for our own sakes. People may not see it, realize it or yet call it another plot for greed. We have clean intentions and it is up to the future that will reveal that NEVER did we think bad about u, nor try to be greedy at your expense. It is how we are brought up. We STOOD by it, and proud of it.

We pray for the goodness of this matter and harmonious settlement.