These are one of the days that I feel like poofing out of this situation.1. I am just really in a bad mood.2. I am in a crazy and in a can't explain why I am in this state.3. Wants to get something impossible done and it really gets me frustrated.
The past has just haunted me, it started out by organizing my papers, documents and identification.Turned out to dig in deeper. My days in highschool were back, college days, heartbreaks, crushes, inspirations, regrets, got me thinking if I did get the robotics course instead of the play safe business course that gets me really no clue where i am headed to.
Am I saying I regret my decision? nah.. i want to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I just madea decision based on what I felt right in that particular moment. I say I trusted my feelings and instincts. It can never go wrong.
Yes sometimes its not the best, but you gave it all and you thought about it really well. You were just trying to be correct.
If it led me to this path, what does it say?
This whole mind boggling uncertainty is here with me again. I just wanted to jump out and scream at the top of my lungs.. and just be me CAREFREEYes call it stupidity but I may need that hard stupid bump to keep me going.I might go down, but I am ready to face it. ?!?!??And the 8-ball just couldn't cooperate just this once.Look at what it said " my sources say no", " concentrate hard and ask again", "in doubt", "not clear", " maybe" then i think "what are you telling me?"
They clearly know my plan a year ago. They thought I am not serious. But I REALLY AM.Now its really time to make the plans concrete, but still i hear and see some disapproval. I dont want to hurt them, I just want them to let me grow and fly and explore.
I might burst into a monster I never knew, I don't know . but surely it will revert backwards. It just hurts me.NOw I am also afraid,but i want to take the risk. Being the Oh play safely type. i want to prove and challenge myself that I am brave enough.
I'm losing it. I just don't know where to go now. I am so much out of touch. But I am really in doubt.
ideas, just wondering what its all about, figuring out the daily experiences. read on the new things i learn
Friday, September 24, 2004
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Grumpy,grumpy
The weather is quite crazy today. I wasnt aware that there'd been an earthquake last night. I was sleeping so soundly.
My moods too was really crazy. One minute I'm so okay, busy with work, next minute I'm all grouchy.
I am watching a rerun of Beautiful days.. love the actors there. Like there are such people like that. make me fall for them.
My moods too was really crazy. One minute I'm so okay, busy with work, next minute I'm all grouchy.
I am watching a rerun of Beautiful days.. love the actors there. Like there are such people like that. make me fall for them.
Friday, September 10, 2004
saranghaeyo
must not mean something to me before not until now. I think this is a very powerful emotion. It just amazes me how this feeling could overwhelm, be so powerful yet so gentle to our lives.
I am too coward to finish a series with so much emotion, I am afraid I can't get over it. I might be looking for it. As I have known myself, I would not want to be falling too deep into it. Unless it is for real. I cannot take the emotional torture over and over again by some people;s emotion. If I get to experience it in reality, it;ll just be fine. I want to get through too. But I don't think I would be brave enough if I get to that such difficult situation all in the name of LOVE. In my opinion everything should be balanced, in time all things will fall into places, just haev faith and have your will.. you can never go wrong following your heart ( with some logical thinking of course, alongside) ;P
I prefer beautiful days and glass shoes, coz they dont bring the whole decade to memory lane. Making the main characters dwell on the past and not move on entirely. Have to live in the present, treasure and cherish the past and just look forward to a brighter future. That's more I like it. Because If i were to apply it to me, I would still be wallowing over my love that I never had. I sent my love to the person but the other party loves another person. I knew it was love because I was willing to let go and just be contented with the fact that I have loved a person that much selflessly.
It was weird the other night. I dreamt that JJ was coming back. At least not to me, but he's coming home. I did not know if its for good or just a visit. But he's one great guy, I really like him. But I never had the chance to tell cos I know it will just make the friendship awkward. And it is obvious that he likes someone else. Love is a mutual feeling between to individuals who just has this certain understanding and infinite concern. it just wont work if we get through it through force. Right time is also a great factor for a lasting love.
I am too coward to finish a series with so much emotion, I am afraid I can't get over it. I might be looking for it. As I have known myself, I would not want to be falling too deep into it. Unless it is for real. I cannot take the emotional torture over and over again by some people;s emotion. If I get to experience it in reality, it;ll just be fine. I want to get through too. But I don't think I would be brave enough if I get to that such difficult situation all in the name of LOVE. In my opinion everything should be balanced, in time all things will fall into places, just haev faith and have your will.. you can never go wrong following your heart ( with some logical thinking of course, alongside) ;P
I prefer beautiful days and glass shoes, coz they dont bring the whole decade to memory lane. Making the main characters dwell on the past and not move on entirely. Have to live in the present, treasure and cherish the past and just look forward to a brighter future. That's more I like it. Because If i were to apply it to me, I would still be wallowing over my love that I never had. I sent my love to the person but the other party loves another person. I knew it was love because I was willing to let go and just be contented with the fact that I have loved a person that much selflessly.
It was weird the other night. I dreamt that JJ was coming back. At least not to me, but he's coming home. I did not know if its for good or just a visit. But he's one great guy, I really like him. But I never had the chance to tell cos I know it will just make the friendship awkward. And it is obvious that he likes someone else. Love is a mutual feeling between to individuals who just has this certain understanding and infinite concern. it just wont work if we get through it through force. Right time is also a great factor for a lasting love.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
dream...
its haunting me again. i think this time i took it with more reasons. And i think i want to follow it. Because it is my love. My vision, my mission.
I have my reasons now. I just dunno how it will affect the other facade of it. I haven't really given it a thought. But it sounds good to me.
everything is puzzling. i ask for clear signs to guide me along the path. I am really confused. I get so committed on one thing , making me hard to leave it all alone.
I have my reasons now. I just dunno how it will affect the other facade of it. I haven't really given it a thought. But it sounds good to me.
everything is puzzling. i ask for clear signs to guide me along the path. I am really confused. I get so committed on one thing , making me hard to leave it all alone.
had fun fun fun ... in SG
About a year ago, I had so much fun with my trip to SG. My first time to travel as an adult. I just had my sister with me.
I was devasted that time because I was not permitted to go for a long educational trip then. I said to myself go to the next best place I wanted to visit, as I am not really hopeful to the long one.
Turned out I had a very great time.. See its been a year and everything seems so exciting and fresh. It was the post SARS season. Tourism board of SG is really really boosting their business. We took advantage of this promo and see the place.
Its not the shopping, but its the Experience. I almost did not do any shopping, not advisable.
But I loved the experience. I walked through the streets just with the guide of map. Rode through the different MRT thoroghfares, different lines with just my english knowledge and instinct to guide me to places. Yes we asked for tips on how to get to a place, but we went there and experience by ourselves. Its amazing how happy i was. Its tiring but I never complained. The culture, the cross cultures, the people ( some are nice, some are skinny, some are stinky, some are cute, some are workaholics) just a variety of people to see. Im fascinated with the mixtures of culture in one nation ( just like united colours of benetton:) . The food not really, still like the home cooked chinese dishes my mom makes. The night spots, they are very impressive. LIke the chijmes ( would love to go there and try dancing to Latin Music), the raffles hotel ( where lots of high rise chill out lounges are located) very preppy and modern.
My best was in Sentosa.. but the handycam i borrowed wasn't really cooperative. It gets crazy when the scenic gets really cool and amazing. its all in my memory. Just like when i went to see the dolphins jump and show off, the camera doesnt work well. Isn't it crazy not to cooperate? I like the cable car, the museums ( did not scare me a bit, usually musuems gets me scared), the underwater world, the fort siloso, the great man made beaches ( i know they're fake, beaches here are better) but they made it fun. I saw secondary studes having their summer outing like an amazing race thing. I LOVE the MALLS----- made me go WOW! their electronic lockers, their interconnected city link malls. The top up system for the transport system. Just amazes me.
OF course i remember the teh tarik. cool drink, love it. I can wear shorts there, I can walk, I can take my time to walk on the streets at 11pm and not hurry home wondering if there are crimes gonna happen for me just being out in the street at that time of the evening. Practice my English communication skills.
Its been a year yet I am still loving it.
I was devasted that time because I was not permitted to go for a long educational trip then. I said to myself go to the next best place I wanted to visit, as I am not really hopeful to the long one.
Turned out I had a very great time.. See its been a year and everything seems so exciting and fresh. It was the post SARS season. Tourism board of SG is really really boosting their business. We took advantage of this promo and see the place.
Its not the shopping, but its the Experience. I almost did not do any shopping, not advisable.
But I loved the experience. I walked through the streets just with the guide of map. Rode through the different MRT thoroghfares, different lines with just my english knowledge and instinct to guide me to places. Yes we asked for tips on how to get to a place, but we went there and experience by ourselves. Its amazing how happy i was. Its tiring but I never complained. The culture, the cross cultures, the people ( some are nice, some are skinny, some are stinky, some are cute, some are workaholics) just a variety of people to see. Im fascinated with the mixtures of culture in one nation ( just like united colours of benetton:) . The food not really, still like the home cooked chinese dishes my mom makes. The night spots, they are very impressive. LIke the chijmes ( would love to go there and try dancing to Latin Music), the raffles hotel ( where lots of high rise chill out lounges are located) very preppy and modern.
My best was in Sentosa.. but the handycam i borrowed wasn't really cooperative. It gets crazy when the scenic gets really cool and amazing. its all in my memory. Just like when i went to see the dolphins jump and show off, the camera doesnt work well. Isn't it crazy not to cooperate? I like the cable car, the museums ( did not scare me a bit, usually musuems gets me scared), the underwater world, the fort siloso, the great man made beaches ( i know they're fake, beaches here are better) but they made it fun. I saw secondary studes having their summer outing like an amazing race thing. I LOVE the MALLS----- made me go WOW! their electronic lockers, their interconnected city link malls. The top up system for the transport system. Just amazes me.
OF course i remember the teh tarik. cool drink, love it. I can wear shorts there, I can walk, I can take my time to walk on the streets at 11pm and not hurry home wondering if there are crimes gonna happen for me just being out in the street at that time of the evening. Practice my English communication skills.
Its been a year yet I am still loving it.
is it really better out there?
I got a glimpse of a newsletter that should be an awakening, its purpose is to uplift the culture and race that I am born with. But after reading it, it just spells out a different tune. Saying it is no use living in this land, it is always better on other countries. What hope does that kind of newsletter gives us for those trying hard to love the country we are born on and is destined to make solid foundation here. I think with the several expats stories , it just encourages people to uproot their families here , coz of the disadvantages in security, time, and all the bad things.
I am not so convinced myself whether i am loving this place just as it is . Then I read across these kinds of articles , making me want to flee right away. Now I am in doubt again on my priorities and paths to take along the way.
I just see no future on living peacefully, now that the place is stricken with all kinds of evil deeds in the society. I was praying really hard last night as I was evaluating how I felt on the reading I saw. Made me into tears that I wanted to have an answer to my uncertain feelings that time. BUt I leave it to my faith and ask for signs that I may be able to get through this phase. And see through the light in these troubled times.
I am not so convinced myself whether i am loving this place just as it is . Then I read across these kinds of articles , making me want to flee right away. Now I am in doubt again on my priorities and paths to take along the way.
I just see no future on living peacefully, now that the place is stricken with all kinds of evil deeds in the society. I was praying really hard last night as I was evaluating how I felt on the reading I saw. Made me into tears that I wanted to have an answer to my uncertain feelings that time. BUt I leave it to my faith and ask for signs that I may be able to get through this phase. And see through the light in these troubled times.
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