date with Pops and Moms at the stock market

March 1 ,2011

I chose this date because it is a Tuesday. I wanted to take dad to see BGC. It was a date for me, mom, dad and my niece. I am glad he gave me the chance to show him around how nice our city is. He is amazed at how much the place has progressed. I am glad he enjoyed the small walk we had.

It is a milestone for me. :) I look forward to more moments like these.

Oh by the way this year, it was emphasized at church that goal determines destination.. I am prioritizing things that I want to achieve. slowly i am learning.. and still in a long process to determine what direction to take. I am praying for it everyday.

me, the teacher

after coming back from the life altering decision and trip. I was left confused and wanted a jumpstart. But God said no.. it is not that easy. If I go my own way, I wouldn't understand what path He wanted me to take. I just took a shot at teaching because I remember when we were walking at Taipei streets one evening with just our dreams and love. I remember I said I wanted to teach, because at that time I had so much hopes for the children to have a good education. I wanted them to have that. Then God gave me the chance.. believe it or not.. via Facebook. I went on a trip, I didn't bring a cellphone. Who would know that this decision was to be made over a facebook message to me. I immediately said yes.

I thought it would all be easy and just unchallenging. But I was really challenged. There was a time that I would cry . Crying over the impulsive decision I made. What did I get myself into??? But eventually God showed me the way. He never left me alone, He always blessed me with people who miraculously helped along the way . He knows which person to use to guide me and with just simple advices melts my worries away. It burns my flame to keep going and never quit. Now it has been an end of a year of teaching. I never imagined how much joy the kids has brought me. I have a lot more to learn from the kids and them from me. Their love fuels me. So Im thankful enough everyday that God is good. By the middle of the school year I was telling everybody I will just give teaching a year.. and I will not sign up again. But I felt I am not yet done. I hope I can help more and do more . Could this be God's way to let me serve others? So I said Yes again. It will be another challenging year but I will always pray for it, pray for guidance, patience and chance to serve others.

Sometimes my goals becomes clear, sometimes blurry.. it usually changes . It depends on the situation I am in.

With the experience... I learned to be more patient, to be more resourceful.. I shouldn't be spoon fed, I should be sharing to others, not just a receiving end. I also met wonderful friends that I never thought I would have.. in fact I will visit Xiamen soon just to tour around.. that kind of good friends.

life is good :P

I am glad to be back

my last post was year 2007.. time flies really fast. It seems so long ago but actually its not. I had a wonderful 2008 awakening. And just started 2009 with what I call a big leap, and a perfect timing with God's blessing. Everything just happened really fast and just fell into place.

Last 2008, it was quite a turbulent year for me emotionally. Because everything seems to stagnate and my outlook in life is heading downward. My highlight for 2008 was the sister's bonding in China for Christmas 2008 & New Year 2009. It was so fun, we enjoyed the weather, the sights, the company and the food. It was indeed a very memorable time for each of us. It came as a breather for me. I started the year right. But I am still wondering until now if the superstition is true that when you don't spend the new year with your family, you are bound to be away from each other for that year. This holds true for me in the year 2009.

For the year 2009, God has blessed my life with a wonderful and unexpected surprise that I can never imagine that will come my way. Armed with my interest for the Chinese language, and the dream to pursue post grad studies with culture immersion. Everything were laid out perfectly, the timing even suited to my very fickle mind. It came at the very last moment that I had only 10 minutes to decide whether I really want this or not. But I said YES!!! No one will ever say no to a last minute blessing. I wasn't given a long time to weigh things out, just hear what my heart and mind really feels. This is the best decision I ever made for me and my life. It gave a 360 degree turn.

But that turn still has 2 sides :) : a. I felt more alive and just have the zest in life. I have the need to search for the Lord, my heart is overflowing with gratitude that it always makes me cry. I love myself now. I want clearer vision and direction, but I must confess I am a work in progress... still a long long way to go.

b. For some who knew me being the scared me, they were surprised on how this trip has turned me into. Friends were happy about it because they see me happy. My mom is happy for me, but worried that my life aspirations and goals got perplexed. Some took it badly that I became insensitive and even says I am selfish for loving myself.

They must have an impression on their minds on what I should be.. afraid and not being assertive.

Living on my own for 6 months has taught me to be independent, to be not afraid, to be more assertive, and discover what I want in life. I have known several good friends until I said to myself that I am ready to give love a chance. But it's not that easy for me.. A happy ending for my heart is no where in sight :P But i am happy because I am learning about the grace of God. It is just too overwhelming.

why can't i tell my heart to..

a week before my 27th..
my heart is pounding;
I wanted to go elsewhere so much.
Experience east in east.
talk to someone from west in the east.
experience seasons.
can't stop my heart and take a leap

its has always been me.. weeping..
always in the middle.. thinking and pondering on this that may or may not come.

i want to see places.
i want to be able to experience life.

i think i need to rethink my moves.. realign stats so i can maximize things i want.!!!

aja aja..

What's this thing I'm feeling

weather : Rainy
song : Pop goes my heart, way back into love

mood : inspired, thankful , tired and confused , afraid of what I am feeling right now.


It has been a week full of adventure in korea.
Met a great tour guide, nice culture, very different.

Makes me home sick a bit.but okay.

But what struck me was my last day. I must be just out of my system to be thinking of these things.

i felt a connection, but not sure if it goes back here.
I am afraid of what i am feeling right now, maybe just having some emptiness. My imagination rolling. Here I am again battling my heart and mind to stop thinking about something that is not bound to happen.

It's like we are too alike and just this mental thing and connection strucks me hard. Maybe because its my travelling thing that kept me thinking about these nerving things.

I just keep on praying for this thing called love, if it strucks me, please let me know.

and i sing..

Way Back into Love Lyrics
[Cora]
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

[Alex]
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

[Cora]
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

[Alex]
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

[Cora]
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Wouldn't it be nice..

This week has been extra chilly and cold. Must be some miracle happening in the weather in Manila. Usually its not that cold but I have to get all our sweater and jackets to get through my day. My jackets all saved up for a travel on a foreign and cold city. But now i use it on a local basis. Must be some environmental mix up.

I think it has reached 18.6 degrees celcius on a January month in Manila. Unusual but nice. I also read from BG's column that it is like winter in manila. I totally agree with her and enjoy it while it is here, coz it wont stay long.

I want to write it for historical purpose. I get to sport my fashionable and warm jackets around the office and the metro without looking so over dressed. I have reasons to wear them.
I have a pretty positive January . And i thought I am not really affected at things that goes wrong. I just play along with it and do the lesser damage to make the day right. After all it all boils down to one conclusion at the end of the day.

Wouldn't it be nice if our weather and my attitude stays this way.. I hope it would go all year long :)

nagging = furious

I had a confession to make.. I'm not proud of it but I did something that I should not repeat ever. I got so furious after my sister keeps on nagging me. I threw a chair - well just a plastic and light one- at her. Just to shut her up. I am really devastated of the fact that I was so pressured and so unhappy at work. Then at the strike of 530 pm. I still have to do one task that costs me an hour. I was just supposed to print something , but the printer is not okay. At 630 i just gave up. Plus my sister kept calling me nagging nagging. and got caught in traffic. Making the driver unhappy too.. so everybody is really unhappy.

Then I was so sad. you can see it in my face. so i was trying to be okay last night. I wanted to be alone at the room. Was crying out of misery why i did i let others boss me around and not do a single thing for me. Im so depressed and when my sister passed by the room, she blurted out not to be so touchy and emotional and got a nag. I wanted to shut her up.. and i threw a chair at her.

Im back again at my dilemma. I wanted to pursue my dreams and wanted to try things i like. but im caught with family and responsibilities. Also I am not equipped, and I am afraid i might not survive well. its really a pain.

just here

mood: sad
songs playing : korean, jap selection.. that make me cry at times

I am sitting here all night.. thinking.. wondering .. almost into tears. I am thinking of moving on to another zone. A bit of regret why I am too lazy to wait for everything to be spoon fed.

List I wanted to do but too afraid, lazy to make them happen:
1. experience seasons
2. find a job on my own merits
3. dress up
4. study
5. travel spain, japan, mongolia,switzerland
6. attend seminars i want
7. eat the cuisines i want

it just stops at planning.
And now its even worse, I say yes to things i don't do . im bad.. but i am so tired and down to do more things..

songs played on my mind constantly

song used for the Taiwan Series "It started with a kiss"

Pwede ba - soapdish
Pwede bang sabihin mo
Na itatago mo ang mga sulat ko
Kasi medyo maiinis ako
Kung itatapon mo..'wag kang mag-alala..
Di ako luluha

Kung may kapiling kang iba
Di na pipilitin pa..
Itong damdamin ko sa'yo
Medyo maninibago
Pero ayos lang sakin 'to
At pwede bang sabihin mong..
"maghihintay ako sa'yo.."
Kasi medyo naiinip na 'ko
Sa ikot ng mundo
Pwede bang isipin mo
Nahihirapan din naman ako
Sa paghintay lang ng kung anu-ano
Magmumula sa'yo
At 'wag kang magtataka
Kung ako'y biglang makita
Na nag-iisa..nakahiga lang sa kama
Iniisip ko ito,"ba't nga ba biglang nagbago?.."
Makayanan ko sana 'to..
At pwede bang sabihin mong..
"maghihintay ako sa'yo.."
Kasi medyo naiinip na 'ko
Sa ikot ng mundo'wag kang mag-alala..
Di ako luluhaKung may kapiling kang iba
Di na pipilitin pa..

Itong damdamin ko sa'yo
Medyo maninibago
Makayanan ko sana 'to..
Pwede bang sabihin mong..
"maghihintay ako sa'yo.."
Kasi medyo naiinip na 'ko
Sa ikot ng mundo.. (2x)

At pwede ba..pwede ba..pwede ba?
..At pwede ba..pwede ba..pwede ba?..

It's simple but it's not easy

a famous line quoted from Dr. Gregory House. It has been my hobby these few days to watch house MD episodes. He is just admirable with his wits, humor at times and confidence. Amidst the busy life of a doctor the show still have a love angle on it. I like house MD better than Grey's anatomy. I guess I am not just fond of Melrose kind of plots.

I am one of the lucky houses that got their electricity restored early after the big wind and typhoon that hit Manila. It has been scary because it has been a really strong typhoon. Not just for the decade but the century. Thankfully we got through it safely. Now the aftermath, still electricity cut out for almost the whole city. Business has been stalled. Like we are back to the basic life. Just plain entertaining , no tv and other media to keep you distracted. It;s like living the simple life when we are all used to having all the electronics to run our lives.

Thinking life;s complication on family issues. It makes me feel sad and want to do more. while i know i am not just built and prepared for that. I am scared to go make that big gamble. Since iam not trained for battle. But I think I better prepare for it before the opponent strikes.

wish me luck.. I am always praying for a sign to make the right decision.