It started as a simple vengeance from the cruel things he received from the society we are in today. I don't know what he went through but I think it was pretty hurtful. Things I thought were against his principles are now on his actions.
It is a bit short lived . When i was little I knew a few things about him. When I was born he went overseas to finish highschool. My childhood is without a brother. When I was 7, he came back for good from college. I was a bit shy and awkward when he got home. I know he is my brother, but I never really get to know him. I knew him through family pictures and I remember he came home once in the middle of the school. But i did not get to know him because it was just a short vacation.
Here are my vivid recall. As I was going through my primary schooling, he is trying to start on business with the ideals he got from the western world. I looked up to him. I still yet have to know his temper on what things he hate and what irritates him.. He doesn't like cry babies and doesn't like stupidity.
I was a bit afraid of him, I was thinking then how can he be so inconsiderate toward his baby sister. I can admit I am a spoiled when it comes to order of sibling. Being the last kid, I'm the one always crying. Soon when I was going high school, I am a bit ideal too. I am so eager reaching dreams, wanting to see the world. My brother took us to an amusement center. There that sunday is very vivid to me, until this very day. We went to the Robinsons mall, my sisters had their first shopping galore, they shopped for pants and shirts that they shared. We had delicious tacos as snack and even ordered take aways for my dad. It is how delicious it is. My most fun moment was when we spent the whole afternoon at the amusement center. He has driven us to the mall, the 6 of us played with the bump cars, played games and had a whole lot of fun. That is how memorable bump cars is to me. It brings me to that day that we are all happy playing and enjoying the completeness of the family .
The next lesson I learned from him is to take my time and learn things i want to pursue. He has showered us with privilege to use tech gadgets at young age. He trusted us. And I am very sorry for mishandling that causes it to break easily. But he never said a thing. He want us to learn and know how to use technology.
soon marrying age comes, the 3 elders got married in a span of 5 years. Then kids came along, family affairs,and different things of perspective came along. I got to live in 2 worlds. Being a kid, along with the family and niece and nephews.
I can say it has helped me mature and be realistic in facing the world. Things come to life when I got out of college.
Before graduation I was so eager and excited to get out to the real world. But its me the unconfident person I am, got discouraged by the distance, time, and fear to fail. I had this stigma that i should be a superior person since I got honors and awards. I realized all those are nothing. Soon as I hid in my own time I learned somethings about me. But once in a while gets lost inside my mind.
During my struggle, my brother is also going through a struggle of his own. He being so down for 15 months got us worried and we stood by him as support. But I think that wasnt enough. He still wants to do big things and must be vengeance from the cruel world. The tremor is really big. It shakes up the whole value of the family and test of support of everyone. I was trying to understand but I had my limitations. I also have my own life and career struggles I have to solve. When the day he got over board, that was the day I said I will stop caring. Realizing he is not the brother I knew. Must be because he has grown into something I am not used to. He is fierce, rude , mean and doesn;t care. He is just plain stubborn and unknown to me.
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