These few days of solitude got me thinking a lot, reading a lot, and see what I really am. As I was having random thoughts, some thoughts of apologies came up to my mind for actions brought about by youth and innocence. These actions have been insensitive, inconsiderate and selfish. All these guilt just came up at the time I finished schooling. I realized how I have hurt a person but realizing , damage has been done and I did not do anything at the very moment to make the situation better or fair. I hurt Ems several times. Still she doesn’t say a word or get back at me for that. She just stated an instance that she has this thing against me on how I bossed around and not even thankful. Instead she got scolded by the family. When she slipped through the rainy weather, I just shouted “AYYYYY” but did not help her get up but just stared at her. Another incident was when she got scolded at home because a fellow classmate borrowed her mom’s voice recorder but never got it back. It was I who referred the person to borrow from her. As a referrer, I thought that transaction was their business not mine. But still I have the responsibility over it. She never said a word. Or was I still too insensitive and just self centered over the situation that I did not care enough for the part of my friend. I am really thankful and yet so sorry on how I treated her helpful intention. Instead I delegated the whole thing to her, yet I want full credit to it. It is just a recipe for a big monster in process. And mostly I did not do anything to make the situation better.
Now I understand how hard it is to understand another person and be selfless at the same time. It is fulfilling but tiring at times. As I want to teach my niece the lesson on how one should be sensitive and that words or unintended action can hurt a another person. That can change a lot of things.
oh i takes a really long time, for me to realize things i've done in the past are wrong. Though i know i have to forgive myself, I want to do better because of things i learned, but sometimes it haunts me.
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