time and distance.

the thought of leaving the country is haunting me again...

last Sept 2004 I was all set to go for my China trip with all the wardrobes and activities i planned to have on that whole semester.. but it has become shady and made me backed out of it.

I woke up at a very wrong side.. I woke up late, watched tv, in a hurry yet i am late at work. Worse yet i arrived at 9 am... I was the one to open. Then camera is with me, and it just sucks... i want to throw things to make me feel alright but I can't do anything.. its the time and distance dictating the barrier and limitations.

Yet i was able to manage to get busy the whole day. I did not imagine there could that bunch and pile of works to be done. And to think i left a whole lot of work for the next day. Errands not included. I don't want to sound very arrogant, but I have work to do and the errands are to be prioritized , I just can't. They were not demanding but I demand myself to be able to do all of them. Plus some kids cluttering the area, fighting for stickers, tv and wahhhh.. good thing they were obedient, they were not brats and "bruhaS" . whew thankfully.

But through out the day.. there is one question hanging on my mind that creates a debate with my sentient and emotion. going out of the country for own growth , sake, independence, and self familiarity. What made me unconvinced were the emotions, ties in your home. Yes we must admit that in the Phils.. wages are not good, business is bad, politics is crazy, security is poor, mostly are below poverty level, system is corrupt... what else is there to hold the crops of the nation. It's just the basic unit of where your heart belongs to. Technically speaking, we are skilled personalities, but no future that the country offers. Tendency is to jump to the band wagon to go for the middle class choices.. a good paying job on a secure place. And in a land where personal and career growth is really big. So what made them decide to say "GO" . I am in a very different situation. I am asking this question myself for the whole duration.

But is it not worth it to just try.. you can come back anytime... but time is of essence.. i want to have a wise decision on which things to spend my time with.

Now I am haunted by my need to be the knowledgeable for the Mandarin Language. I need to learn it.. I need to use it.. I cannot just take risk and accept project and just barf out in the middle of a hard project. I NEED to learn, read and speak the language for business purpose.

please wish me the best that I make wise decision on the things coming my way.

i wish a good week for everyone.