Im in dilemma

did i just create myself a hard decision to make?
As early as July 2004, I got a nod from my dad to make a study trip to China. That time it wasn't real yet. So I am just so carefree and idealistic that it won;t cost me that much. Anyway its the only time im gonna be 24 going 25. I tried to take the basic necessities only. No unnecessary trips, no purchases that i don't like so much, no blah blah outings and musings that will cut a portion on my tuition for the trip.

But now its October, decision making time. It chickens me out. I can afford to go there.. for the whole 5 months, but i will come home broke, jobless, no sponsor, loser, stupid with endless socializing with the uppercrust people. Who knows i might marry one of them.. but no.. they are not my type. I do not belong to the upper crust. I am a regular person, observing austerity, believes in simplicity,take much importance on hard work and good karma. If one is rich financially , its never simple.

And i got this fruit of labor of my eagerness to learn. I had this business proposal that is good enough to make my evenings busy. That will add to my income. Will get to experience a lot of out of my field situations.

I was asking for signs. see where it leads me to:
1. jessica said her piece of advice, that i should think very Very very WELL that i won;t regret. Its hard to be jobless or earn less.. coz im earning just enough.. what if i should decrease it.

2. eight ball keeps on saying no.. i dnno, maybe anotehr time, ask again.. all are pointing to negative answers.. y can't it just be honest.. i can take it.. i wont break the ball if i dont like the answer.

3. Gloria asked everybody to make tipid except her.

4. Dollar is sayang.. nanghihinayang for some result i dunno if i will call priceless or useless.

Maybe another time, this is all about timing. I believe in RIGHT TIME>... if not.. everything will collide.

am i just convincing myself that its a right decision.. but i still can change my mind by end of the month.. watch out. heheh